On the edge of irrelevancy

I am eagerly awaiting my appointment with the doctor at Emory that's coming up next Tuesday. I so desperately want to hear directly from the mouth of a guy in a white coat with a nurse-in-training trailing behind that I have come to the relative end of my cancer journey. I am fully aware that this will never be over. I know that I'll have to be watched for the rest of my life and that I'll have to have my blood checked every six months to see if the enzymes become elevated again. I know that there is about a 100% chance that I will need another radiation treatment in my lifetime, I just don't know when. But I still want to hear someone say it. I want it to be written in a chart somewhere. I want to be scheduled for a follow up visit a really long time from now. And with all this I realize that the turmoil in my life, at least this chapter, is coming to a close. So now what? What do I do with what has happened to me? How do I use it to further God's Kingdom? What do I write on this stupid blog? The whole reason I started writing was to give me an outlet to release all the emotions and feelings I had bottled up in my head while the world was rapidly spinning around me. Maybe I'll keep writing just to keep writing. Maybe I'll find some clarity and sanity in my life by putting it down on virtual paper. Will anyone read it? Will anyone care? Hopefully the flame that has drawn the moths is about to be extinguished, but will they find another flame?