Hollywood Sucks

Well, I've determined that Hollywood has completely ruined the real world. Hollywood churns out action movies with super-stud spy heroes, animals with special powers who have the ability to carry on conversations and save the environment, and of coarse, the stupid romantic comedy chick-flick where the goober gets the girl in the end and rides off into the sunset to live happily ever after. We've come to expect that all paths in our life lead to the ticker-tape parade down Main Street and a beautiful sound track in the background. My recent journey has been quite the opposite. I'm not here to say that what's been happening to me hasn't been a gift from God or that He hasn't been there with me every step of the way. Or that it hasn't happened EXACTLY like He has planned. I'm just going to say that it has been really, really weird. Weird because of the way the cancer was found, the million doctors appointments, the prayers and well-wishes and the peace that I have had along the way. But in my mind I just thought that things would end differently. I had in my mind that I would be at the doctor's office one day and he would come in to tell me that he had good news. He would say, "It looks like you're cancer free!" and then birds would sing and confetti would fall from the ceiling. I would hug the doctor and my wife and as I would leave the exam room the nurses would have a big cake with sparklers on it. And I would go home to my kids with open arms to say that Daddy was all better and they would never have to worry about me ever again. That's what Hollywood does to your ideas and dreams and they way your personal movie plays out in your head. Instead, I go from doctor to doctor to have them tell me that everything looks like it is progressing well, but that there is still something weird. Some report just doesn't make sense, or some scan is inconclusive, or some blood work needs to be done before any decisions can be made or I need to send you to another doctor with more expertise or some tumor board needs to review your case or the office needs to do their own set of ultrasounds or we need to do a biopsy of the weird stuff in your neck that has us all worried in the first place. Or better yet, never mind, now that we've shipped you all over creation for you to wait for an incredibly long amount of time for an appointment that you really don't have and tell you that your are having an ultrasound, no wait, a CAT scan, no wait, not a CAT scan an ultrasound again followed by a biopsy, no wait, your pre-biopsy ultrasound doesn't show anything so we're not going to do the biopsy, we're all done, you can go home now. What!? My head is constantly spinning and I've gotten to the point where I'm just not sure if I should be happy or pissed off for being jerked around. So as I sit here typing, I think I have really great news that the cancer did not spread to the lymph nodes at all and that what was showing up on the body scan was just an anomaly and that all I need to do is monitor my blood work for the rest of my life and live it to the fullest. Are you kidding me? Where did that come from? Where is the party, the doctor with the angle wings descending from Heaven with the chart that was all a-glow because it was from God that I was healed? Instead, I have another doctor telling me that everything looks good and that they'll just keep an eye on me, and that's it. No Hollywood ending. I'm really happy, but kind of let down. But with all of this being said, I give all the thanks to God for being so good to me, so loving, so patient and so omnipotent and for being there for me all the way to listen to my prayers, my cries and my frustrations. This thing is still long from being over and I still haven't been told that I am cancer free, but I am one step closer to getting back to a more normal life. And for that I am very grateful.